Magic Dragon King
by Fabulousone
Summary: “But I’ve worked so hard to escape my pathetic past! NO!” Ron paused mid-sentence, “what?”


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"Harry, _Harry_...," murmured an irritated voice, none too quietly. Harry bolted sideways in his bed, nearly falling off in the tangle of sheets. "Oy...what is it Ron?" The room was shrouded in darkness and Ron was perched over him like a vulture. "Mum says to wake up or we'll be late," Ron hissed. Harry lifted himself to his elbows and peered out the window. The moon was still hanging high in the sky. "Its still night outside." Ron looked at him intently, chewing gum in loud smacking sounds. "Yep, we've got a six hour ride ahead of us." Harry couldn't remember Ron ever being so annoying. "I'm going back to sleep." Harry shot Ron a final look, and pulled his comforter over his head. Ron snatched it back almost immediately. "I'm serious Harry." He pulled the gum out of his mouth. "The Hogwarts Express isn't working."

"The Hogwarts Express isn't working?" Harry peered at Ron, disbelievingly. "That's impossible! It always works, how could magic like that just turn off?" Ron climbed off the bed, looking very somber. Harry found that the combination of moonlight and darkness falling on him made him look very sexy. "Is it Voldemort?" he asked. Ron looked amused, "Voldemort is too much of a twit to pull that off Harry...no, it's the Ministry. They took it off the line three months ago when they discovered something." Harry started at Ron in terror, "A bomb! O my god, the terrorists have finally reached me too!" Harry suddenly had images of men named Abdullah chasing after him with rocket launchers. Ron looked at Harry strangely. "Uh not quite Harry, they're building a new train. We need the technology to continue to survive in that rapidly globalizing world" Harry blinked dazedly. "Muggles will find out about us soon enough, with all their stealth radar and satellites." Harry tugged at his hair desperately. "But I've worked so hard to escape my pathetic past! NO!" Ron paused, "what?" "Anyway, muggle technology and magic are now the future. Apparently our train was wicked slow."

Harry clutched his head in his arms. His world was falling apart. All these years he did nothing but feel like the magic world was his true home. Now muggles were going to swarm in, and start calling him a loser again! He couldn't bear it! Ron tilted his head to the side, "you all right, Harry?"

"RON, tell me you're lying!"

"I'm not Harry. We started this like ten years ago. Don't you ever pay attention in class? I mean we've almost finished WAND airlines."

Harry had a sudden picture of planes filled with terrified witched and wizards hurtling through the sky. "NOOOO!" He kicked off his sheets, ripping at everything he could get his hands on. He saw chubby wizards and witches, for the first time trying McDonalds, drinking Pepsi, and logging online only to see Porno. "Oh, GOD not the porno!"

Ron giggled hysterically, "But I've already seen some!" Harry's eyes bulged wide.

Ron sobered instantly, "you mean you've never seen cha chas?"

Harry looked like he was going to cry.

"WTF dude! You're like 18 now!" Ron honestly looked shocked. "What the hell have you been doing in Hogwarts all this time! I thought for sure you and Cho already hooked up."

Harry felt like he was tumbling into a black abyss. "What do you mean...I thought Wizards didn't do things like that."

Ron started. "Is THAT why you like being a wizard so much, because you think we're all innocent and pious? That we have less jerks than muggles do?"

That was exactly what Harry thought. Harry loved being a Wizard. He loved the attention he got for being famous, for being brave in the face of awesome danger. He felt cool and wanted only in the wizarding world. Girls loved him, he was actually an athlete, and he even had an enemy to bully. He didn't need to worry about really evil wizards except for Voldemort and the death eaters, because he knew he could beat them all.

Ron looked ill. "Harry what were you like before you came to Hogwarts..."

"I-Uh..well I went to a regular school, Dudley and all the girls there beat me up every day."

"And..."

"And I liked pretending I was a magical dragon king whenever I felt lonely..."

Ron looked disgusted. He was looking at his friend of seven years, finally realizing who he really was. He felt sorry as hell for him.

"Look uh-Harry...I'm going to go and listen to the news."

Harry looked out the window... "Ron, I'm still a cool guy right? I mean, I'm not a loser? Because I beat Voldemort a lot. I mean I kicked BUTT...I'm cool right?"

Ron looked uncomfortable as he pause in the doorway, "yeah...sure."

For some reason the last thought that went through his mind was how Harry would feel if he knew Hermione wore a thong every day. He chuckled. Harry was in there right now, probably polishing his broom between his legs. "As close to the real thing as you'll get, dude..."

THE END

Comments: Don't ask, just don't


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